Teaching / Learning; Sharing / Listening

Over the past several months I have been invited to groups where I have been a Presenter, Instructor, Participant, or Student. Strikes me that most people do not understand the roles they are to assume in these scenarios. Reminds me of a martial arts lesson from years ago where we were forced to take the role of leader to make us better followers; and forced to take the role of follower to become better leaders. Experiencing the opposite side of the relationship helps you understand the frustration that poorly oriented individuals create.

Let’s go back a couple months were I was asked to do a presentation on preparedness. The presentation ran over as participants felt a need to interrupt to add more ideas. Some of the additions were well founded – but problematic in keeping us on track. Others had no value to the group at all as a few participants wanted to share what they felt were amusing stories.

A few weeks later I was at a dinner with a group of preppers. As a sit down session, it became pretty clear that there were a few individuals who (quite arrogantly) tried to put down those around them to push their own viewpoints. What should have been good, open discussions and idea sharing became a bit limited. Most frustrating was catching little bits of comments a few seats down that sounded like they may be more valuable to your current status. Some of this was resolved as we exited the location by sharing emails and inviting follow-discussion with those you were not able to adequately listen to.

Last week I attended a self-defense class for preppers. I have a lot of training in this area but committed to approaching with an open mind and “empty cup.” The 2 leaders clearly had a planned agenda. 2 hours later I don’t believe they covered more than 15% of their material as the group kept interrupting to share their own information.

Yes, something can be learned from virtually anyone. Yes, some of the added comments had value and added a bit of clarity. However, the constant interruptions robbed the group of a better learning situation.

Several years ago there was a drive to understand and develop active listening skills in the business world. I am seeing the flip side of that in some of these meetings. Everyone wants to be seen as an expert. Everyone believes expressing their opinion is more important that allowing the group to learn a more complete lesson.

My suggestion is to set up sessions where each participant is given 10 minutes to present an idea or concept that they feel would be of value to the group. Everyone else listens and participates appropriately with the understanding they will have an opportunity to provide their own ideas in a respected structure. Any odd questions and request for more in-depth information can be handled in a more relaxed social structure immediately following the conclusion of all presentations. At that point each participant knows who has information that correlates to your current needs. Best of all, if one of the topics or presenters is completely out of line with your personal needs, you only need to politely wait 10 minutes for a new presenter.

Hmm, perhaps my suggestion above is out of line. In rereading this, I am trying to provide structure to cover the lack of respect and manners among participants. Somehow we must actually restore the sense of personal respect to others to overcome the sense of self-importance and arrogance that has permeated our society. Can we solve the problem instead of just controlling it with band aid processes? It begins with each of us being willing (and emotionally strong enough) to accept where we fail our roles and work to accept them. Note, I am not suggesting moving forward as sheep in assigned roles. I am saying we must be respectful of others providing opportunities to learn. We do not need to be arrogant fools in an attempt to prove we are not puppets.

There was one fortune cookie message that I have kept in mind for many years: “The smart man knows what he knows. The wise man knows what he doesn’t know.” Are you the smart man who is proud of his knowledge, or the wise man who understands there is always much more you can learn?

Having been a presenter, I have become a better learner. Having been an instructor, I have become a better participant. Where do you fail in filling a role?